Amy Jo On The Go!

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I’ve got wedding countdowns going on everywhere….my screen saver at work, my blog, my facebook page, my phone!  But the weird thing is, not all the countdowns say the same thing.  Like today some of them are saying 73 days until the wedding and some are saying 74 days!  How is that possible….and which one is right?  I’m going to have to get out a calendar and count for myself.

Update:  I counted on the calendar and I would say we have 73 days until the wedding.  The countdowns that say 74 are counting today and I just don’t think that’s how a countdown should work.  We are already on today so wouldn’t you start with tomorrow being day 1??  I’m so confused.  And yes, the wedding has gotten to me so bad I’m totally freaking out on whether the wedding countdown is accurate!!

We have the luxury of having “family” marry us. My fiance’s, sister-in-law’s, father (are you still following?) is going to be marrying us. He is a wonderful man and I can’t wait to meet with him (soon) to go over our ceremony and see what kind of input he has. I also can’t wait to start our “marriage classes” with him. Unlike my fiance, I’m looking forward to these classes. I want to learn how to have the best marriage possible. I know the basics of marriage, love and family, but I have so many other unanswered questions. My parents are divorced, my fiance is divorced and I’ve seen a lot of divorce happen around me and I DON’T WANT TO BECOME A STATISTIC……

I think at this point in our relationship we have a few things that we need to work on during these marriage classes….Actually, probably 2 major things. The first being, we need to learn how to fight. Yes, I do believe there is a proper way and a wrong way to fight. I feel that when we fight I tend to say what needs to be said, I listen to what he has to say, and then I just need some time to take it all in and then I’m wiling to offer my apologies (when needed) or to accept his apologies (when needed). I’m a pretty calm fighter as long as I can have that quiet time afterwards to replay what just happened and come to a conclusion on how to make it better and make sure we resolve the situation in the best way possible. I don’t like to fight over the same topic more than once. If we are continually fighting over the same topic then it’s obvious that our solution hasn’t worked. We need to try harder at finding that middle ground in order to make both of us happy. My fiance, on the other hand, is a terrible fighter. He tends to start arguing about one topic and then decides it’s the perfect time to throw in a dozen other issues all at once. So what started as one little disagreement can quickly turn into an all out brawl between us. He also tends to speak before thinking. His mentality is that he wants me to be more hurt or more angry then he is, so he tends to say very hurtful things (whether he means them or not) in the heat of the moment. He always tries to take them back or apologize, but by then the damage has been done and those words he has said to me tend to stay with me for a very long time. This, in turn, causes us more issues because now I’m not only angry but I am so terribly hurt….and as we all know, sometimes the emotional damage caused by someone is the worst kind.

The second issue I hope to touch on in our classes is S-E-X……I will take full blame for this issue. I’m not a very intimate person. My family knows this, my friends know this, but trying to get my fiance to understand this is a whole other story. To be honest, I would like to be more intimate with the one I love, but I fall to pieces whenever the situation arises. I have had some horrible, horrible relationships in my past (which I won’t get into) and I think that I have learned to associate sex with these horrible memories I have. I have convinced myself that if someone truly loves me, they should love me for the mental part of me not the physical. And even typing this now it sounds silly to me, but I don’t know how to re-train my brain to think otherwise. I’ve lost a lot of weight recently and my fiance is head over heels with the “new me”. He wants to constantly touch me or try to love on me and it really almost makes me ill. If I know that we are going to “get intimate” I get almost physically ill. My stomach ties itself into knots and it takes everything I have to not burst out into tears. It’s a horrible feeling and it makes my fiance feel so inadequate. It’s not something I choose to have happen, but I don’t know how to make it better. I love my fiance with everything I have…I’ve just learned over the years that this is how I’m supposed to feel. It has been embedded into my brain that sex=horrible things!!! Is this how my life is going to be?……….I want to change…..I NEED to change! Our future together as husband and wife is dependant upon this change………

***I apologize if this post was TMI…but I needed to get it off my chest

Today was weigh in for Week 3………I LOST ANOTHER 3 LBS…………that gives me a total of 9.2 lbs lost. I am so giddy! I reached my first goal of 5%, so today I set a new goal!

My biggest challenge……..I attended a 1st birthday party on Saturday for my best friends daughter

These cupcakes and I went around and around but the cupcake finally won!!

But to be honest, I only had one cupcake and I scraped almost all of the frosting off before I ate it. (The woman who made the cupcakes is on weight watchers also and she warned me about the frosting ahead of time).

I wish it was warmer here so I could wear something cute and comfy….. like one of these dresses from Ann Taylor Loft

For the past 3 weeks it seems like every day just drags on and on and on and on and on and on…..you get the picture! How is it possible that today is only Thursday? I feel like I have already worked 6 days this week and I’m only just starting day 4. Is it because we are inching closer to summer? Is it because I love, love, love my weekends? Is it because the weather outside is nice and it sucks being cooped up in my office? Is it the idea that I know there are people that aren’t at work right now and I want to be with them (my fiance, my mom, my brother)? Is it because I don’t like my job? Or maybe it’s because I’m so BORED with my job.

I’m going to assume it’s because I’m bored. We are slower than normal due to the state of the economy and things are very monotonous. Every day I do the SAME thing……I’m to the point where I could do my job blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. I’m not “pushed” anymore……I feel like my brain is not used to it’s maximum potential and I’m scared I’m losing my smarts! haha……that sounds funny!

Only 7 more hours until I get to end my day and go home….wish me luck and pray I don’t die of boredom!

It’s a rainy day here in good ‘ole Michigan!! Thunderstorms for the next 3 days with winds up to 20 mph……Yuck!

“The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain” quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Today has been a weird day for me. Actually, in all honesty, the whole week has been weird….who am I kidding, things haven’t been right for months. I’m in this funk that I just can’t get out of.
I have known for months now that I am overweight but recently I just “ballooned” up. This was proven when my sister took a picture of me last week on my birthday……I WAS HUGE! At first I thought maybe it was the angle of the camera and then I saw myself in another photo and realized that the way “I” see myself in the mirror is actually better than what I actually look like. I really took this hard. I can’t believe I look so horrible!

This weight gain has really affected all parts of my life. I used to be the girl who was totally into fashion and shopping and now it’s the two things I hate the most because nothing fits and I refuse to believe that I’m a size 12-14 when most of my clothes are a size 8. I have to dress up for work and I don’t have a single pair of dress slacks that I can keep buttoned. I have to wear big jackets over my pants so I can unbutton them 1/2 way through the work day because they are gouging into my stomach. I’ve resorted to nothing but sweats and t-shirts and I’m just not happy about it. I make excuses to all my friends when they invite me out because I know they will look all cute and perfect, and I’ll be in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I can’t let anyone see me like this. I’m doing my best to stay hidden from the outside world.

And the more I stress about the weight gain……..THE MORE I EAT!!! For example….I had to go to the doctor last week and the nurse felt it her duty to mention to me that I’ve gained 27 lbs since I was there last summer………..Well, DUH! Look at me……I’m hideous! So what do I do when I leave the doctor’s office? Run to Schlotskey’s Deli and get a sandwich with 30 grams of fat and like 500 calories. (And that doesn’t include the chips I had with it). And the cycle continues…… I’m an emotional eater. When I’m stressed/depressed I eat and then after I eat, it makes me more stressed/depressed and so I eat some more. It’s a vicious cycle that I need to stop.

For shits and giggles I decided to check Jenny Craigs website this morning because my girlfriend is doing it and she lost 9lb and 4 inches by her first weigh in! They have this part where you can put in your height and weight and it gives you your BMI. Well, I should have been more prepared for what I was about to see because when I saw the ginormous words on my 20″ monitor……YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT……..I actually lost my breath for a brief moment.
I can’t be overweight……..I’m just a little “pudgy”………….What do they know, they can’t even see me…….But I was one of the skinniest people at Panera Bread this morning when ordering my chocolate chip cookies and smoothie………crap, I forgot to pack my lunch today so I think I’ll go to McDonalds……….I can’t be overweight………
Really, honest to god…those are the things that went through my head after reading that. Not one single thought about nutrition or working out……is there any hope for me? My wedding is going to be here before you know it and I just can’t look like this. I’ve thought about doing Jillian’s 30-day shred, but I just don’t know if that’s a good way to start. Should I start with something so BIG (meaning something that will cause my lungs to collapse and my muscles to hurt like I’m being tortured because that’s what I’ve heard Jillian does to people) or should I start slow with something like walking or riding bike? I also have an elliptical at home, maybe I should just jump on that every night and see where it takes me. I just don’t know…….I talk a lot of talk, but really that’s all it is. I’ve been saying for over a year that I need to lose wieight, that I’m so out of shape, that I need to eat better……..but have I actually made any changes to my life….NO!!!

That’s where I’m hoping you all come in………I need a “push” and I need some positive reinforcement! Please help me……tell me what to do and how to get started. I need to lose some weight but I hate the word diet. Am I too far to do this alone……should I do WW or Jenny Craig? Help me PLEASE!!!

For those of you interested……here is what I saw on my computer screen that caused this post to take place!!

Your BMI is 28.7
25 – 29.9 You are Overweight

It was delicious!! Very time consuming (1 hr 20 min bake time and 20 min cool time) but worth the wait! I’ll be eating leftovers for lunch today. Hopefully it’s as good the 2nd time around.

If you work while receiving benefits and do not report that employment, you may be committing fraud…..am I right???

I have an employee who tried claiming unemployment last August after he returned to work from our July shutdown. I had warned him that he should inform the state to his change in employment status now that he was back to work full-time but he refused, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I protested his earnings during that specified time frame and I just received a letter on Monday this week that he owes the State of Michigan restitution in the amount of $729 with additional amounts yet to be determined……I bet he wishes he had been an honest person, huh?

Well, to make this story more interesting…….I received a statement today from the unemployment office and it shows this same employee is still receiving benefits. I had heard through a local temp agency about a month or so ago that “they had found work for him and he was loving his new job”……Ding, ding, ding…..the lightbulb just went on in my head….”I think he is still claiming unemployment and he is working full-time” The nerve of him to try and win one over on me AGAIN. I contacted the local temp agency and they confirmed that YES he is working full-time but they wouldn’t tell me where or what date he started. I have contacted the State of Michigan and again I am protesting his benefits. Don’t mess with the bull….you’ll get the horns!! (anyone know what movie that is from?)

I mean, come on……..I know times are hard (for everyone) but to commit fraud not once, but twice makes me question the integrity of a person. We will think twice if we ever decide to hire back any of our “laid off” employees. I’m sure he won’t be one of them called back!

What a glorious day!!!